


Chasing Inner Demons

by junko



Series: Chasing Demons [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:25:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of Aizen's betrayal, Renji and Rukia trip awkwardly over each other while trying to care for a recovering Byakuya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chasing Inner Demons

**Author's Note:**

> Though "Chasing Demons" is a new series title, it's a continuation of the story that began with "The Distance Between Us" and continued through "Nue's Curse." Hopefully, however, the story will be accessible to anyone, even if you don't feel like going back through the archives and catching up on all those previous posts.
> 
> This takes place in the aftermath of the Soul Society/Rescue arc. Ichigo and company are still in the Soul Society, and will be for two weeks (according to the Manga, anyway.) I don't intend to diverge too much from canon, but creative accidents happen....
> 
> Because I love to write him, Renji will remain the most consistant point of view character in this new series, though I will, as in "Curse" occassionally write other people. One thing ("theme"?) I may be concentrating on will be a question that I believe Josey (cestus) and I discussed in a comments thread which is, "How is it that Kira and Momo don't end up in the Maggot's Nest/on trial/executed?" I'd added that technically Renji is guilty of treason, too, though he just happened to be on the right side once the dust settled. But a lot of people have issues post-Aizen's betrayal, so I may hit on any number of them. (Weirdly, one I'm particularly interested in is how people deal with Komamura's "out" identity as a fox demon.) Also, I will, as always, be attempting to make the Gotei 13 function a tiny bit more like a real military organization. There will be hints of all that, but, hopefully, along with those 'serious' considerations there will also be many moments of snogging....

Even though he was beginning to be a regular visitor to the estate, Renji still couldn’t bring himself to go through the front doors. Instead, he entered through the back way, through the kitchens. Lately, the pots on the stove all smelled of miso. Byakuya still wasn’t well enough for regular meals, so instead, they always had some kind of soup going for him—just in case. The kitchen’s usual bustle was muted and subdued. Miko, the cook, leaned her hip against the wall near the stove and absently stirred boiling rice porridge. She gave Renji a spoon wagging admonishment as he came over to inspect her work as usual. “Nothing fancy for you, I’m afraid,” she told him. “Her ladyship has much simpler taste.”

Her ladyship?

Oh, right. Rukia.

Renji rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know why, but I sort of figured Rukia would stay in the Thirteenth’s barracks,” Renji admitted. He pulled on his ear, considering. His plans to spend a good portion of his day snuggled up in the captain’s bed suddenly felt a bit awkward. “Uh, hmmm--I suppose I’d better go around to the front and have Eishirō announce me.”

Miko gave Renji a little naughty smile and she wagged a finger at him. “Sneaking into a lady’s house when her onii-san can’t protect her—my, my, Renji. Your reputation could be ruined.”

He laughed. “It’s way too late for my reputation.”

The house steward Eishirō stuck his head into the kitchen from the stairs, “Quite. But not for the lady’s. Shall I inform Rukia-tono that you wish to see her?”

Miki spoke up happily, “I can send up breakfast for you both!”

#

Renji felt a little strange being “presented” as a guest to someone with whom he’d spent the formative years of his life in Inuzuri scouring through garbage for scraps. But, he stood outside the rice paper door and dutifully waited for his cue from Eishirō to enter. Fuck. Did he bow to the ‘Lady’ Kuchiki? And how low?

Luckily, before he could decide how seriously he should take all this, Rukia laughed at the formality and teasingly scolded Eishirō for expecting such a close friend of the family to stand on ceremony. The easy way she bantered with the house steward reminded Renji that she and Eishirō had known each other for decades.

And, as Renji settled down on the floor across from where Rukia sat on a za-button cushion, it hit Renji again that that these huge rooms he’d never been in before belonged to Rukia, and probably had since her adoption in the Kuchiki family.

Rukia’s suite was on the first floor and the fusuma panels were slid open to a view of a meditative garden in an interior courtyard. A carefully manicured cedar tree was the main feature, and several large, upright gray boulders invoked a mountainside tableau. The sky was clear and bright, though the air held a hint of heaviness that spoke of the coming day’s oppressive heat.

Rukia wore a rose-colored kimono, its sleeves and hems decorated with leaping white hares. She looked so natural sitting like a princess among the finery, and it made Renji conscious of how big and lumbering and dusty he was.

She smiled kindly at him. “You couldn’t look more uncomfortable.”

“It’s just that I’ve never been in your private rooms before,” he admitted, looking around. “They’re huge.”

“Huge?” She laughed a little self-deprecating chuckle, “They’re half the size of nii-sama’s.”

“Yeah, but they’re _yours_ ,” Renji said before he could stop himself.

He hadn’t meant to embarrass her, but her smile faltered and her gaze dropped to the floor. “Oh. Right.”

There it was again. This huge gulf between them. She had all this stuff; what did he have? Truthfully, Renji didn’t own much more than what he left Inuzuri with. The only thing he’d gained in all that time of any real value was experience and Zabimaru.

Sure, for a couple of months now he’d started collecting a lieutenant’s salary. But, despite half a century of service to the Gotei, Renji hadn’t been able to save much. Not that he hadn’t tried--desperately. But, the Eleventh Division, with its seats always in play and aversion to complicated paperwork had a policy of a flat-fee pay rate, even among the upper ranks. Only the first few seats got any kind of real salary. Everyone else got little more than beer money—which they were expected to spend on beer. In fact, the first time Renji hesitated to buy a round, Ikkaku beat the crap out of him until he’d ponied up.

Despite the fact that most of his former colleagues were also from the Rukongai, none of them had come from anywhere near Inuzuri so they never quite understood why Renji was so reluctant to spend his cash. They’d called him a miser and a freeloader and all sorts of stuff. It wasn’t that Renji didn’t _want_ to be generous, but the second he had any of his own he’d be overcome by a compulsion to clutch money tightly with white knuckles--out of the old fear of never having enough. Sometimes he’d even try to squirrel yen away somewhere and hide it, thanks to memory of the terror of having anything he owned taken by force.

As good as the Eleventh had been for him, being in that environment had made it hard for Renji to completely lose the scent of desperation from his nose. Ikkaku never realized the mocking and beatings didn’t help that terror, but, in fact, made it much worse. In fact, the first time Renji had been possessed by Zabimaru and gone into a kind of bersker rage was when he’d discovered that the former Sixth Seat had uncovered and raided one of his secret stashes of emergency funds. He’d been fighting a lot that winter anyway and it had been just the thing to tip him over the edge into near-insanity. Renji had nearly killed that guy… and about two dozen others.

No one touched his stuff after that and Renji was finally settled in a position where he could file the paperwork to put at least a tiny amount into the bank. He’d been able to relax into bleeding the rest away knowing at least some was safe and untouchable.

The bank was a good thing, because he was just as often his own worst enemy. Renji had completely depleted his savings to buy not one, but two pair of sunglasses. Both of them gone now—broken by Ichigo.

He shook his head at his own foolishness. But, sometimes, when he looked at his balance of cash it was hard not to go overboard, to try to make up for so much he never had…. It was like finding a coin in the street—you went out and immediately bought the best of whatever it would buy, because you were damn sure you’d never have a windfall like that again.

Renji sighed.

Poverty was still a vicious demon nipping at his heels.

Rukia was still staring miserably at the floor. Renji knew he should say something to break the tension. “How’s Byakuya today?”

“Pretty well, I guess,” she said, clearly grateful to have something they still had in common. “The Fourth is with him right now. Once the treatment is over, you’re welcome to come see him with me.”

“Thanks,” he muttered. There was nothing wrong with what Rukia had said, but the word ‘welcome’ cut just a little. It made him conscious that he really was just a guest here. She was his sister. He was…

Aw, hell.

Renji didn’t even know what he _was_ to Byakuya. He knew what Byakuya was to _him_. But, they hadn’t had a coherent conversation since Byakuya’s injuries. He wanted to believe Byakuya’s fevered babbling, but for all Renji knew, right now he wasn’t anything to Byakuya outside of being his division’s lieutenant… and he might not even be that, depending.

Okay, so he was clearly the guy Byakuya would have mourned if things had turned out differently.

But they were both _alive_.

Was that a good thing for their relationship or not?

A polite knock on the door was the serving girl with breakfast. Rukia called her in with an, “Enter.”

The serving girl, Aio, brought in a tray and set it between them. By chance Renji caught Aio’s eyes, and a bright blush bloomed across her nose. Her hands trembled slightly as she prepared the tea, reminding Renji that she last saw him half-naked and in the throes of passion with her manor's lord.

Shit, this whole visit was turning into a big bundle of awkward.

Unfortunately, none of this escaped Rukia’s eagle eye. “Did something happen between you and Aio?” she asked once the door was closed. “She seemed scared of you.”

Renji reached over and poured Rukia’s tea before filling his own bowl. He kept his eyes on the food and shrugged, “I’m a scary guy. A lot of people are freaked out by the tattoos.”

Rukia looked at him out of the corner of her eye as if she didn’t quite believe that was all that was going on, but she didn’t argue more than to ask, “You think it’s the tattoos?”

Renji gave Rukia a toothy smile, “Just because you dated every yakuza boss in the Rukongai doesn’t mean that everyone’s as into ink as you are.”

“Hmph,” she said, crossing her arms, but she was smiling.

He picked up his chopsticks and pointed him at her, “You know you’re lucky none of those guys ever tried to look you up once you became a shinigami. What would big brother say?”

“He’d kill them,” she said, with a hint of seriousness. She took a sip of tea, “Have you seen Kira or Momo yet?”

“I was planning on visiting Momo in the Fourth later today. I guess she’s so bad off she’s in isolation. I don’t know if they’ll let me in,” Renji said, lifting up the baskets. Miko was right. Rukia’s taste in food was pretty simple: wakame seaweed soup, rice, salted plums, and broiled horse mackerel. Still, he helped himself to a little of everything. “As for Kira… I guess the Fourth have him on suicide watch because he keeps locking himself in his quarters for long periods of time.”

“Oh no,” Rukia said, putting a bit of mackerel on Renji’s plate before adding to her own. “That’s horrible.”

“It really kind of is,” Renji agreed, shoveling some rice onto his plate and giving them each a plum. “I feel bad because I should have known. I ran into Kira at a party a while ago and, looking back--well, it seems obvious now that Gin was fucking him over, probably literally as well as figuratively. But, I had my own problems at the time, and, you know, I figured it wasn’t any of my business and that I should keep my nose out of it.”

“You can’t blame yourself,” Rukia said kindly. “And Kira is strong. He’ll get through this.”

Renji nodded, but he wasn’t as convinced. Byakuya had asked Renji to kill Rukia. He hadn’t had to do it, but, at the time, Renji was been willing—because he loved Byakuya just that much.

Kira had been in the same place, only… he’d followed through... maybe. And then Gin left him without even a backwards glance. It was a wham, bam, and not even a ‘thank you, man.’

How must Kira be feeling now? Kira had gone against his nature to follow Gin’s… orders? Suggestions? Unspoken desires?

For Kira’s sake, Renji hoped he’d been following provable direct orders. “You think the Captain-Commander is going to charge Kira with treason or something else?” Renji asked, thinking in particular about his own tenuous situation in this regard. “Let’s hope he doesn’t stand for murder, because I’m not sure war crimes are covered by superior orders.”

“What are you talking about, Renji?”

“A subordinate can usually make the ‘superior order’ defense which means that she or he can’t be held responsible for any crimes committed while following direct orders. That gets you out of a lot of shit, but there have been exceptions made for things considered war crimes—which murder of unarmed civilians is. I guess it’ll depend on how complicit Kira really was with everything that went down at Central. I suppose that will all come out at the tribunal.”

“You really think there’ll be a trial?” Rukia asked, the chopsticks hovering in front of her surprised, open mouth.

“There’d better be,” Renji said. “Would you serve in the Third if there was any question of your lieutenant’s actions? I think Kira’s in a really tough position no matter what the outcome is. I mean, I’m already receiving transfer requests from that division. A lot of the forms explicitly state that the soldiers who want out feel uncomfortable with a lieutenant who followed what seem like clearly illegal orders rather than his own moral compass. Which is, weirdly, why they want to come to me. I’m getting this rep as a guy who won’t let the law or his captain stop him from doing what’s right. Which is unfair, because my loyalty should be under fire, too, and there was a lot more going on than what people can see on the surface. Plus, I suspect we’re going to find out in the tribunal that Kira was being blackmailed by Gin—maybe even with Momo’s life.”

“That’s what I think, too,” Rukia agreed, but she was looking at Renji with a funny expression on her face.

“What?” he asked, wondering if he had food in his teeth or had spilled rice down his uniform.

“Listen to you, Renji. You sound so… official. Like a real vice-captain.”

He snorted. “That’s because I am one.”

She smiled shyly. “I know. It’s just new to me, and, well, it looks good on you.”

A blush burned his ears, which he covered with a cough and a blustering, “Knock it off, you’re embarrassing me.”

#

After breakfast, Renji followed Rukia to check in on Byakuya and listen to the nurse’s report. The nurse said she suspected Byakuya would remain delirious for several more days, but that they should expect him to begin to have longer periods of real consciousness. The nurse also said that it was good for Byakuya to have people around, talking or just keeping him company. Though he might not be able to respond, the nurse felt that just sensing familiar reistsu would comfort him and could help speed up his recovery. So, after thanking the nurse for all her help, Renji and Rukia hung around in Byakuya’s suite negotiating regular shifts at his bedside. Of course Rukia tried to take the lion’s share, “But, Renji,” she said. “You’ve got responsibilities.”

“Actually, I’m officially barred from duty. I’m on extended medical leave,” he explained to her raised, worried eyebrows. “Sasakibe pulled me aside yesterday and told me that’s how the head captain is dealing with Byakuya’s refusal to reinstate me. Since the Captain-Commander’s orders legally supersede Byakuya’s I’m still an officer and don’t have to cool my heels locked-up in the guardhouse for the duration.” He sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck feeling the tension there. “But I guess I’m technically not assigned to any division until everything gets worked out. Honestly, I think they’re kind of waiting to see if Byakuya will press charges. Anyway, all of us agreed the cover of ‘medical leave’ was best for the division’s morale, given the current instability.”

“Damn, what a mess,” Rukia said, looking all guilty and miserable.

Renji touched her shoulder lightly and gave her a little squeeze. “Oi, it’s not your fault.”

“But it is, Renji,” she insisted. “You did all this for me. And, you’re making it sound like you might end up not being a lieutenant if nii-sama digs his heels in.”

“Which he could,” Renji agreed with a nod. “And you and I both know he will, if he really thinks it’s what honor requires, but I’m not out of a job. Not yet. If I can’t stay here, it’s not like there aren’t suddenly a whole lot of openings.”

That made Rukia blink, “What are you saying? You’d be someone else’s lieutenant? But whose? Do you really think they’ll promote Hisagi? He doesn’t have bankai, does he?”

Renji let out a little laugh, “Dude kicks ass, but he doesn’t even like going shikai.”

“So, where would you go?”

“Who knows,” Renji shrugged. “Maybe I’ll take the captain’s exam.”

Byakuya made a small noise that almost sounded like a moan, but Rukia didn’t hear it because she was saying, “But, you don’t have bankai either.”

Renji just gave Rukia a steady look, but for Byakuya’s sake, he added, “It’s not like I want to leave the Sixth. If it was up to me, I’d serve under Byakuya until I died defending him in the line of duty. But, I’ve got no life but the soldier’s life, Rukia. If my captain transfers me, I got to go where they assign me.”

“I suppose you do,” she said in a small voice.

“That’s what it means to be a soldier,” Renji said with a shrug. _I wonder...._ , Renji thought with a glance down at Byakuya’s sleeping form, _maybe it would be better for us if I were somewhere else—and of the same rank._

Though even if he passed the exam, Renji wasn’t sure he’d be allowed to advance. Depending on who his judges were, they might see his recent actions as proof he was too hotheaded to be good captain material.

“So,” Renji asked, “You want me to take the first shift? Maybe you’d like to take a soak in the hot springs? You should be resting yourself, Rukia.”

She sighed like she didn’t really want to go, but knew she should, “Fine.”

The second she was out the door, Renji slid out of his clothes and crawled into Byakuya’s bed. When Byakuya didn’t immediately turn towards him, he said, “I won’t leave you, Taicho. Not unless you want me to.”

There was a long moment of no sound or movement, so Renji spooned up against his captain and cling to him stubbornly. Byakuya lay on his back, and so Renji curled on his side and lay an arm lightly around Byakuya’s stomach.

Renji decided it was his turn for true confessions, so he laid it all out for Byakuya in no particular order, “You know how I feel. So, it really is all up to you,” he said. “I want it all—to be your lieutenant and your lover. But, I’ll take whatever you give: all, nothing, or one or the other. But, if I’m stuck being your lieutenant and not sleeping with you, I’m going to want to be with somebody else sometimes. You’re going to have to put up with that, jealous boy.” Renji smiled to himself for a while, imagining how possessive Byakuya could be, and then continued, “Just for the record, I don’t really mind if you like all that dominating, tying up stuff, but, considering the trouble we had in the alley, we should maybe try playing that game like other people do--with safe words and all that.” Renji let his hands stroke Byakuya’s body gently, “And… honestly? It’d be helpful if you let me top once and a while. Doesn’t have to be a lot--maybe on my birthday? In exchange, I’d let you go as far as you want without safe words on yours.”

Renji kind of liked all the images that came into his head at those thoughts, so he closed his eyes and let himself imagine them. He wasn’t sure when he drifted to sleep, but he woke up with Byakuya pressed up tightly against him.

Apparently, Byakuya had liked what he’d heard and was murmuring all sorts of dirty talk again. Renji leaned in close to listen carefully, chucking appreciatively and encouraging the parts he especially liked. When Byakuya seemed to run out of steam, Renji sighed, “Man, I wish I could get you to do that when you’re awake.”

But, Byakuya was clearly still in a fever. After a few more minutes of sexy talk that got more and more disjoined, Byakuya seemed to fall into an easier sleep. With a glance at the time, Renji pulled himself out of bed. Rukia would be here any minute and, even though she might know about the two of them, he didn’t think it would do their friendship any good to find him in bed with her brother.

“Are you leaving me, Renji?” Byakuya’s eyes opened, but they didn’t seem to focus on much.

“Only for a little while,” he said with a gentle pat on Byakuya’s hand. Renji had been sitting on the bed to pull on his shitage. The shirts were still open and he leaned over to pull on his socks, “Rukia will sit with you. I think she’s planning to read to you. I wonder if she realizes that half your bookshelf is porn.”

“Will you stay the night?”

Renji stopped to look over his shoulder at Byakuya. The captain’s pale face was as impassive as usual and his eyes had drifted shut, but he sounded more lucid than before.

“I expected you last night,” Byakuya noted.

“Yeah, well, I got a little drunk last night. I decided you wouldn’t appreciate me slobbering all over you.”

“Hmm. Good call. Do you have similar plans this evening or shall I expect you?”

The captain sounded remarkably cogent. Should Renji take this seriously? He scratched behind his ear. “I suppose I can come back if you want, but don’t you think Rukia will—“

“Eishirō will guard my privacy,” Byakuya cut him off. “Explain that I requested your company.”

“Are you saying you want me to tell your house steward that you woke up from your fever to ask me to sleep with you?”

Byakuya let out one of his long suffering sighs. “Try bit more discretion if you can, but yes.”

Renji leaned closer to peer into Byakuya’s face. “Does this mean we’re still friends?”

Byakuya cracked open one eye and attempted an icy glare, but it was as wobbly as his voice was scratchy, “Only if you stop being such an irritating moron.”

That comment, Renji decided, deserved a kiss. So he leaned down and softly pressed his lips to Byakuya’s. The captain sighed against Renji’s teeth and seemed to relax at their touch.

When they parted Byakuya was clearly losing his fight against unconsciousness, and murmured carefully as if trying to stay on track, “And this evening?”

“Yes, Taicho, I’ll be here.”

“I’m holding you to that, Fukataicho.”

Renji leaned further down to whisper in Byakuya’s ear, “No, I’ll be holding you this time.”

Byakuya made a happy, appreciative noise as he fell asleep.


End file.
